I am the one that Jesus loves

Anyone here really hard on themselves and needs to give themselves a little more of the Grace God gives us? Me too.

I've been working with a therapist recently, and one of the things I've been focusing on is how I talk to myself. I never really noticed it before, but I go through my day criticizing almost everything I do. A lot of this critique relates to the shame I feel about past mistakes.

Something I heard God telling me on repeat this past week was "let it go." Let go of your past mistakes, let go of your past relationships, let go of your past traumas. I sat with this for a little while and was led to the story of Lot's wife.

The Story of Lot's Wife

The story goes that Lot and his family were escaping Sodom and Gomorrah, and God instructed them not to look back. While they were running, Lot's wife turned and looked back at the city and she turned into a pillar of salt. Naturally, I saw a lot of similarities to myself in this story. I too am guilty of looking back; the only difference is I haven't turned into a pillar of salt.

Why Do We Look Back?

This got me thinking about the why. Why do we look back? I think we hold on to the past for two main reasons:

1. To Punish Ourselves: If we treated someone poorly, struggled with addiction, etc., and we don't forgive ourselves for it, we become stuck. We get so caught up in the mistakes we've made that we can't see forward. Sometimes we may justify it to ourselves and say we don't deserve forgiveness or we deserve retribution. But this holds us back. Instead of coming to terms with our shame, forgiving ourselves, and dedicating our lives to being better, we wallow because we think that's what we deserve.

2. Fear of Judgment: We're afraid of the judgment of others. Has someone you knew ever made a bad choice and gotten bitten in the butt from it? Have you ever said, "It's about time that person got what they deserved," or "I hope they feel really bad about what they did"? I think we are all guilty of saying that about someone at some point in our life. While conviction is good, condemnation is not. Should you feel convicted when you have made a bad decision? Yes. But should you condemn yourself to a life in prison for it? No.

Why Does God Want Us to Let It Go?

Because He forgives us. God knows that we are imperfect; He expects that we will fall short. He wants us to repent for what we've done so that we can be free of the shame, the guilt, and the condemnation. If you feel shame, know it is not from God but from the enemy. God will convict you, but He will not shame you for your transgressions. Holding on to shame will hold us down. We cannot grow until we let it go.

I am guilty of holding on, of feeling unworthy of God's love and forgiveness. But the beautiful thing is He loves us anyway. He will take you just as you are and transform you into someone you never thought possible.

Remembering God's Love

I was watching a sermon recently, and one of the things the pastor said was if you don't feel deserving of God's love, say to yourself, "I am the one that Jesus loves." Don't ever forget that Jesus died on the cross so YOU could be forgiven. Jesus did not sacrifice Himself for the holiest people. He sacrificed Himself for the sinners.

"He has not despised or scorned the suffering of the afflicted one; he has not hidden his face from him but has listened to his cry for help" (Psalm 22:24).

Say it with me: "I am the one that Jesus loves." Say it to yourself until you believe it. Regardless of what shame the enemy tries to hold you under, always remember the love of Jesus Christ will set you free.

God Bless,

Abby